Did you just move to a new city for that job opportunity you’ve been waiting years for but find that you’re struggling in the whole *making friends* department…
Creating like-minded community with a busy schedule in a new place or new season of life is HARD.
When Matt and I moved around multiple times our first year of marriage for his football career (Indiana to Arizona then back to Indiana), finding friends who shared our values and related to our season of life was like finding a needle in a haystack…
Or, maybe you’re a small business owner or work from home and tend to feel a little isolated, like you’re on an island and your friends don’t quite understand “what you do.”
Networking with others in your industry and connecting with people who GET YOU can be equally as hard.
Trust me, it’s been a struggle of mine, too. A lot of my work is very public yet the behind the scenes, internal business workings of a an online personal brand is tough for most people to understand and wrap their heads around.
One time my own Grandma even asked me, “Jord, do you work?”
Anyway, my point is, I get it, girl. Finding friendships that understand you and relate to you in the season you’re in are often easier said than done.
So, that’s why in this episode, I’m unpacking several of the lessons I’ve learned when it comes to effectively making friends and cultivating meaningful relationships without seeming desperate (even if you tooottallly are).
Specifically, I’m sharing a perspective you NEED to adopt ASAP as well as teaching you the following three key steps you can implement right away to start building new relationships effortlessly (instead of awkwardly):
I dive into each one of these steps in more detail in the episode! Tune in here!
This isn’t easy, especially from a comfort zone. Go out on a limb, I dare ya. Amazing things can happen!
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Ever feel like your career or business take over your life?
I remember the moment I realized that a big meeting I had coming up was on the same day as my brother’s, college graduation. (Of course, right.)
I knew the meeting was important – but so was my brother. And what else do you do when when you don’t know what to do?
You call your mom. Naturally.
And her words have forever stuck with me. She was empathetic to busy seasons of work, and she also reminded me of this:
Our work is to provide and support other people – not simply for our own gain.
Game changing mindset right here.
So for all you ambitious and career driven gals – I see you. I am you. And I’m here to give you some pieces of wisdom that have strengthened my relationship with my husband and with my family – even during busy work seasons.
In today’s episode, I dive into the importance of finding something to share in with your spouse, intentional check ins, and the one word that may just change your relationships.
Check out the episode and let me know which tip was your favorite!
Have you ever had a coworker that just kind of feels like sandpaper when you chat with them? You find yourself ditching and dodging away from them on your way to the bathroom or coffee area?
Or perhaps, even worse, you have a friendship that has gone down this route. Somehow your conversations with Nancy now only include negative things and it’s a bit tiring, ya know?
Sister, if you can relate, you’re not alone. It’s totally normal (and human) to not get along with everyone. Because, sometimes, people are just flat out difficult. And, if you’re anything like me, “occasionally” (don’t ask me to define how often ‘occasionally’ means in my household 🙂 ) I’m the culprit that’s being the crabby pants, difficult one.
But, it’s how you navigate these relationships that will result in the negativity not overtaking all your conversations and sucking your emotional capacity. So whether it’s a friendship, working relationship, in-laws, or spouse – I believe the solution to difficult people lies in shifting your mindset as well as your actions.
My absolute, #1 tip in how to deal with difficult people is
Not to ‘deal’ with them at all, but to ‘love’ them instead.
Let me tell you what I mean. Begin to swap out the word DEAL for LOVE and see how your heart and actions start to change.
You ‘deal’ with muddy, puppy paws, or you ‘deal’ with an unorganized house. You LOVE a person – even if they are difficult. You love them because you love people, you don’t deal with them.
I firmly believe when you swap out your mindset for ‘how can I love this person’ from ‘how can I deal with this difficult person’ – your empathy goes way up, which results in a much more lovely response to them.
In this episode, I dive into this and more on how to navigate those difficult people in your life. You’ll learn:
Sister, you’ll continue to encounter difficult people, so when you do, try to remember: The problem is not you, even if it is taken out on you. This helps to keep a clear mind and heart, and begin to take steps to the best, possible outcome from this relationship.
As mentioned, I’ve done other episode on friendships and navigating dating relationships. If you’d like more on that topic, here are the specific episodes mentioned:
Dating is hard.
But throw a few thousand miles between the relationship? Feels nearly impossible.
Sister, I’ve been there. When I was dating my now husband, Matt, we moved from being in the same city, to long distance, to being married and living together, to doing the long distance marriage thing for again awhile.
And let me tell ya – it wasn’t easy. Especially when we didn’t even see the next season of ‘distance’ in our future again.
While that season isn’t exactly one I’d wish back into my life – there are so many things I learned from that season that I now bring into my marriage.
If you’ve ever been far away from someone you love, you know, you have to be so much more intentional with your time and communication. And I’ll be honest, I can sometimes take for granted having the luxury of my husband living in the same house with me and slack on the intentionality of our conversations and date nights.
So there are definitely times that I will pull out tips and tricks to keep the relationship intimacy turned to a 10 that I learned during our long distance season.
Audrey began dating her now husband in a long distance relationship. The way they stayed in touch? Love letters. Yep, the long lost art of letter writing.
While this may sound like a story line out of a movie, Audrey is here to tell you that this can also become your reality. Listen in as Audrey chats through the struggles, the triumphs, and lessons learned from her time of long distance dating and how to
illuminate parts of your past to clear the way to dream up your future.
Sister, if you find yourself in a long distance relationship at the moment, we know the struggle. One piece of advice Audrey would give?
Find something to share in with your significant other.
Whether you both listen to the same podcast, read the same book, or cook the same meal and FaceTime while tasting your masterpiece – find something to share together.
We are rooting on you and your relationship over here! That is, if it’s a healthy one! Be sure to also listen in to find out the embarrassing, but extremely helpful, question my mom used to ask my boyfriends to help evaluate their character.
I can’t wait to see your long distance relationships flourish after listening to this episode!
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Did you have an unhealthy view of marriage growing up?
Do you rely on the attention of men to fill you up?
Do you ever feel that you are the worst wife on the face of the planet?
Sister, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
As I stepped into marriage with excitement in my heart and butterflies in my stomach, I was hit with a bit of harsh reality right away during these first, few years.
A reality that no one told me about ahead of time – but wished they had.
As ‘normal life’ began settle in after the big day, I began finding myself losing my cool one, too many times with my husband. And then I started to feel SO badly about myself. I began to think,
‘I know I’m the only one dealing with this. I can’t talk to anyone because they won’t understand.’
Turns out, I was wrong. I wasn’t the only one.
And neither are you.
And just to prove to you that you aren’t on an island out there in newlywed struggle land, I’ve brought in some back up for this episode. Meet my dear friend, Manda Carpenter. She’s an author, speaker, coach, and happens to be one of the most real and authentic people you’ll meet.
In this episode, Manda and I open up about the early years of marriage. How marriage is the best decision we’ve ever made – and also how we found ourselves struggling with what we assumed would magically go away once we had both those rings on our fingers.
Example? Manda keeps it real when she chats about how she still desired the attention of other men – even after the ceremony.
WOAH. Talk about some honesty. And relatability.
Because the truth is,
So sister, strap up for this one. You’ll learn:
….and maybe even feel that you understand your man a bit more.
I wanted to have this conversation because I don’t know of anyone else that is. Newlywed years are hard, but so worth it. And we are here to remind you of that. And just how not alone you really are.
And if you desire full depth on these stories and more, be sure to pre-order my book here!
Have you ever felt torn between wanting to process through a problem, but not be gossipy about the situation in the meantime?
Do you worry that you’ll hurt feelings if you share frustrations with a third party, but then also be left without a resolution to the problem?
You’re not alone in this, sister.
It’s a fine line between problem solving and the sneaky, little thing called gossip. However, an answer can be found from asking yourself a few, honest, and hard-hitting questions.
First, always consider the environment in which you are speaking about the topic at hand – do these friends have a vested interest in solving the resolution?
Then continue on and ask yourself,
If you find the topic is the person, rather than the problem you’re trying to solve – then there may a problem with the conversation you’re having. Aka- gossip.
Friend, we were created to lift each other up and honor one another. And you are so capable of that – even in tough situations where gossip tries to take over. Never stop pursuing excellence in all of your conversations!
In today’s episode you’ll hear how I answer the question from a follower, Sophie, ‘How do I avoid gossip?’ In this Ask J series, you’ll learn:
Friendships are such an essential part of life, so check out these other episodes on identifying healthy friendships if you’d like more on this topic:
Share these episodes with those closest to you to lift each other up. Thank a friend today that you know always has your character and heart in mind with each word they speak.
And if you’re interested on how to not let gossip or the pressure of others get the way of making your mark in the world, check out my book, sister. You’ll find all this and more here.
So, your friend is dating a less than ideal guy. Their communication isn’t great. And the relationship is quickly turning toxic.
What’s a girl to do?
Have you ever been there? Feeling a bit helpless on the sidelines? While trying to decide if and when to intervene in love?
Sister, I’ve been there. And truthfully, I’ve been on both sides of this situation. The one trying to help and the one in need of some help.
Whether you have a friend in a bad relationship, a family member making poor decisions, or a loved one in situations that aren’t good for her – this episode is here to help.
In this Ask J series, listen in for my suggestions to the question, ‘What do you do if a friend is in a toxic relationship?’ You’ll learn my top tips on when to speak up, when to simply listen, and how to navigate the balance of both.
It’s never easy to confront a hard situation but asking yourself a few litmus test questions of your own motives and respecting the boundaries of others, you’ll be equipped to gracefully work through the conversation.
And I want to leave you with this little reminder:
Sister, ask questions, give her a vision of a healthy reality, listen intently, and love her well – that’s all any of us can ask.
“I could get grumpy or I could get creative.”
Not exactly the words you want running through your mind on your first Valentine’s Day as a new wife.
First off, if you’re reading this the day I’m posting, HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY 2019, GIRLFRIEND.
I hope that your day is full of hearts and chocolate and pink balloons and all of your favorite desserts.
BUT. If your day is anything like mine was a couple years ago, the day may look a tad differently due to an unexpected turn of events.
Well, actually, let me rephrase.
The unexpected turn of events was more of an unmet expectation event – you know, the expectation that I didn’t exactly share with my husband.
You see, I just KNEW that since it was our first V-Day as a married couple that Matt was going to go ALL out for this day.
But as the morning turned into afternoon. And the afternoon turned to evening, my high, high hopes (cue Panic at the Disco song) began to dwindle when I didn’t hear from him about the surprise, over the top, glamorous plans for the evening I just knew he had in the works.
This was a very quick lesson learned in our marriage: Matt isn’t a mind reader (shocking, right?).
Sister, are you like me with these high expectations – left sitting in your head and heart – but not actually spoken out to your significant other? If so, this episode is here to put your mind at ease, and ultimately help strengthen your relationship in the process.
I’ve brought my hubby on for this one, just to make sure I painted an accurate picture of that hilarious V-Day (gotta pull him in to keep me straight sometimes 🙂 ).
Listen in to learn the four things you can do RIGHT NOW to make this the best, and most expectation managed Valentine’s Day yet.
And these principles don’t just apply to V-Day, sister. These are tips and tricks to carry you with into everyday situations with your man.
And don’t worry, the boys aren’t getting off too easily, either. While sometimes women need to manage their expectations, men also need to equally step up to the plate a bit by anticipating the needs of the relationship.
I can’t wait for you to hear our first (almost disastrous) V-Day as a married couple -while also learning some tangible tips on how to manage the hype around this holiday along the way.
Do you believe that you’ll just ‘know’ if you’re ready to be engaged?
If so, how?
Do you have a specific check list? A financial goal to attain first? Waiting for a feeling within that ‘moment’ when you’ll just ‘know’?
And if you ARE currently engaged, are you finding it difficult to steward that season well? To actually enjoy this season of engagement, rather just attempting to ‘hurry it up’ in order to get to the wedding day?
Sister, I FEEL YOU.
Matt and I had a 14-month long engagement – and let me tell you – that felt like FOREVER.
For me, this season included not just wedding planning. But also moving away from the familiarity of family to new cities. And figuring out careers, finances, and you know- the actual ‘real world’ after college.
If you’re finding yourself a bit lost in your emotions during the engagement – or ‘hope to be engaged soon’ – season, this episode is for you.
Tune in to this mash up ‘Dear J’ + Relationship series episode where I answer the questions:
You’ll hear my back story with my husband, one of my smack-you-in-the-face moments that affirmed my decision on Matt, and why it’s okay to mourn your single life before becoming a wife.
Friend, with each changing of relationship life season – single to dating; and pending fiancé to actual engagement; and ultimately, to wife status – you are allowed to acknowledge the good and honor the difficult in each season as you step into the next.
And want to know my one, nonfluctuating piece of advice?
Chase peace, not butterflies.
Listen in to fully understand what I mean from that statement and the one question that I believe is vital to ask yourself before accepting that ring that comes with a proposal.
And for all you already engaged gals out there – I know that this engagement period seems equally at a standstill as it does a quick blur. You’ll learn how to soak up the season of being a fiancé before you forever put on the title of ‘wife.’
You only get this season once, sister. Squeeze out every moment of fiancé life, before this chapter turns into the next.
Trust me, you’ll want to know these things before this season comes to an end.
What’s the first thing you feel when reading those words?
Well, sister, no matter your perspective of V-Day currently, we’re going to shake things up a bit over here today. It’s time to embrace the red and pink and reclaim February 14th as a day to celebrate you and your friendships.
Okay, maybe you’re still sitting there like, ‘Yeah, sure J, what’s going to make it so great this year?’
Well, so glad you asked.
This year, we’re making V-Day all about focusing on our deepest relationships – and obviously I’m talking about the the ones with our girlfriends.
And to make sure I’ve covered all my bases, I’ve brought in some awesome back up for this special episode. In this Part 2 of our Relationship Series, you’ll be meeting Brighton Keller, fashion blogger, influencer, girl boss, and Galentine’s Day extraordinaire, in this Single Girl V-Day discussion.
She’s handing over her ultimate guide on throwing a rad Galentine’s Day with fun, creative, and nostalgic ways for you to make those memories (karaoke, anyone?!).
Call up your girls. Grab some ice-cream (or popcorn. Or cake. Or whatever it is that makes your heart skip a beat). And make this day about deepening and prioritizing friendships.
Put down the phone. Turn off Instagram Notifications. And this is your reminder that work can wait just one day while you stay present with your girls on the 14th.
Did you miss the first episode in this Relationship Series? Check out the first episode on how to heal your heart after a break up!