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Have ya ever asked, “Why is this happening?” Or “Why is this so hard?”

Maybe you’re in a season of grieving or you’re walking through frustrating circumstances that leave you questioning everything.

And you wish you could just go back to things the way they were before…. ya know, before everything imploded. Back when life seemed simpler or easier.

Trust me, friend, I’ve been there too. 👋

And what I’ve learned (and I’m still learning) is this: sometimes unexpected gains can be born out of unwanted pains. And sometimes clarity comes through adversity.

If there’s anyone who understands that lesson, it’s author and CEO of The Shine Project, Ashley LeMieux.

FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM

Ashley LeMieux has had her fair share of adversity and loss. When she and her husband lost their children in an adoption battle and then later walked through miscarriage, it sent them into a tailspin and a long journey of healing.

LeMieux’s latest book, “I Am Here: From Fear to Freedom” walks through her journey to healing and transformation, using tools like clarity mapping and reframing your thoughts. 

And let me tell ya, Ashley brought SO MUCH wisdom and heart to this episode of SHE! 

REFRAMING YOUR THOUGHTS TO GAIN CLARITY

We’ve all had moments in our life where it seems like everything is falling apart and all we can ask is “Why?” Why is this happening to me? 

In fact, I think it’s pretty normal to ask the question, “why?” 

Even when we feel like we’re starting to move forward, there are still those moments where loss or pain creeps in again. 

And, as much as we want to understand and find meaning in the pain, sometimes there’s no answer to our “why” questions (at least not on this side of Heaven). 

And that’s okay.

As Ashley said on the podcast, “The question of  ‘why is this happening?’ wasn’t actually getting me anywhere. It was only causing me more pain. And so I started reframing my thoughts by asking different questions.”

Instead of asking “why?”, Ashley started asking, “What is my pain trying to teach me?”

Ashley said it so well when she said, “Healing isn’t about going back to a time before pain. It’s about finding the freedom and the courage to move forward with it… You’re not supposed to move on from these experiences that change you. But what you can do is move forward with them.”

READ 👏  THAT 👏  AGAIN. 👇

Healing isn’t about going back to a time before the pain. You’re not supposed to move on from these experiences, but you can move forward WITH them.

CLARITY MAPPING

One tool that you can use when you’re walking through a difficult season and asking those “why” questions is a process Ashley calls clarity mapping.

Clarity mapping can be done as often as you want, whether that’s daily, quarterly or just yearly. But it involves taking some time to ask yourself some important questions.

What is my intention today? What is the thing I want to focus on that will make me feel good at the end of the day? Maybe it’s connecting with your spouse and having lunch with them, or maybe it’s showing up to a work meeting you really don’t want to be at and making sure everyone feels appreciated.

Who can I serve today, through work or my personal life? Why am I worthy of this?

Once you’ve asked yourself those questions, get mapping! Take your intention and choose the top five things that will help you meet that intention today.

Then look at those five things and, based on where you’re at, narrow them down and decide on three.

It’s about being intentional and focusing on the small steps we can take each day.

Ask yourself: what do I actually want or need in a world that’s telling me to want it all?

Sometimes we look for something to make sense or we look for the happy ending to our story. But sometimes the pain hits and you find clarity or healing in an unexpected area of your life. But you might not see it if you’re focused on how you want things to change.

So instead, focus on the small steps and being intentional with what’s right in front of you, even if it’s not where you want to be.

You might just be surprised at what happens.

LEARN MORE ABOUT FINDING CLARITY THROUGH ADVERSITY

If you’re walking through a challenging season and you’re not sure how to find healing or move forward, tune in to this candid conversation about walking through adversity. You’ll learn: 

• What to do when everyone has an opinion on your family building decisions 
• The difference between moving on and moving forward with your grief
• How to reframe your thoughts and start asking the right questions
• Ways to use clarity mapping as a tool to set intentions and walk through difficult circumstances 
• How to move forward in love, not fear

If you wanna hear more from Ashley, you can visit her at theshineproject.com.

And let us know in the comments: what’s your biggest takeaway from the episode?